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A portfolio that loves vanilla ice cream in a world full of flavors

Report created on Jul 28, 2025

Risk profile Info

4/7
Balanced
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

3/5
Moderately Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

This portfolio screams "safety first" so loudly, it's practically wearing a helmet and elbow pads to bed. With 80% in a total stock market ETF, it's like saying, "I'll have a little adventure, but only with a map, a guide, and a safety net." Then, throwing in 10% bonds and 10% international stocks is like adding a sprinkle of pepper to an otherwise bland meal — it's an attempt at diversification, but barely enough to tickle the taste buds.

Growth Info

Historically, this portfolio has been the tortoise in the race, with a CAGR of 12.23%. Not too shabby, but let's face it, it's not winning any sprints. It's the kind of performance that says, "I'll get there eventually, but let's not break a sweat." The max drawdown of -32.43% is like a roller coaster that's thrilling but not too scary — exciting enough to raise your heartbeat but not enough to make you lose your lunch.

Projection Info

Monte Carlo simulations are like a crystal ball, but for finance. They tell us that this portfolio could grow by 171.2% at the median outcome, which is like saying you might win the lottery, but only enough to buy a nicer car, not a private island. With 955 out of 1,000 simulations showing positive returns, it's like betting on the sun rising tomorrow — pretty safe, but where's the fun in that?

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    89%
  • Bonds
    10%
  • Cash
    1%

Diving into the asset classes, we find 89% in stocks, which is like packing your diet with carbs — energizing but potentially risky in the long run. The 10% in bonds is the dietary fiber of the portfolio — necessary, but not exactly exciting. And the 1% in cash? It's like keeping a dollar in your pocket in case you find a vending machine — not very useful in the grand scheme of things.

Sectors Info

  • Technology
    26%
  • Financials
    14%
  • Consumer Discretionary
    10%
  • Industrials
    9%
  • Health Care
    9%
  • Telecommunications
    8%
  • Consumer Staples
    5%
  • Energy
    3%
  • Real Estate
    2%
  • Basic Materials
    2%
  • Utilities
    2%

The sector allocation is like a playlist that's heavy on one-hit wonders. With 26% in technology, it's clear there's a love affair with Silicon Valley. Financial services and consumer cyclicals follow, creating a mix that's a bit like only listening to music from the 2000s — nostalgic, but not very diverse. It's a tech-heavy concert where the opening acts are just there to fill time.

Regions Info

  • North America
    80%
  • Europe Developed
    4%
  • Asia Emerging
    2%
  • Japan
    2%
  • Asia Developed
    1%

The geographic allocation is the portfolio equivalent of "Made in America," with an overwhelming 80% in North America. It's like traveling the world but only through Epcot's World Showcase — you think you're seeing the globe, but you're really just walking in circles around a lake in Florida. The token investments in Europe and Asia are like buying a souvenir at the airport — a last-minute attempt to seem worldly.

Market capitalization Info

  • Mega-cap
    37%
  • Large-cap
    28%
  • Mid-cap
    17%
  • Small-cap
    5%
  • Micro-cap
    2%

The market capitalization mix is playing it safer than a parent at a playground. With 37% in mega-caps, it's like investing in dinosaurs — big, powerful, but not exactly nimble. The rest is scattered among big, medium, small, and micro caps, creating a zoo that's heavy on elephants and light on monkeys. It's a cautious approach, like swimming with a life jacket in the shallow end.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

When it comes to risk vs. return, this portfolio is sitting comfortably in the middle of the road, afraid to venture too far in either direction. It's like choosing a mild salsa — pleasant, but unlikely to make anyone sweat. It's not the most efficient mix, more like a balanced diet that's heavy on comfort foods. It could use a few more vegetables (riskier assets) to spice things up.

Dividends Info

  • Vanguard Total Bond Market Index Fund ETF Shares 3.80%
  • Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund ETF Shares 1.20%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 2.80%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 1.62%

The dividend yield strategy here is like finding loose change in the couch — nice to have, but not life-changing. With a total yield of 1.62%, it's like getting a pat on the back for effort — appreciated, but it won't pay the bills. It's a conservative approach to income, like relying on birthday money from your grandma.

Ongoing product costs Info

  • Vanguard Total Bond Market Index Fund ETF Shares 0.03%
  • Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund ETF Shares 0.03%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 0.05%
  • Weighted costs total (per year) 0.03%

On the bright side, the costs are so low, they're practically invisible. With a total TER of 0.03%, it's like buying a luxury car for the price of a bicycle. In a world where fees can eat into returns like a caterpillar on a leaf, this portfolio is doing something right. It's a rare moment of frugality in an otherwise cautious, unexciting strategy.

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