Roast mode 🔥

A home-cooked portfolio that's heavy on comfort but light on global flavor

Report created on Jun 24, 2025

Risk profile Info

4/7
Balanced
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

3/5
Moderately Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

Diving into this portfolio is like finding out your diversified stock portfolio is just fifty shades of large-cap U.S. equities, with a sprinkle of "international exposure" that wouldn't even pass as a vacation. With 40% in a U.S. Dividend ETF and another 30% in the S&P 500, it's clear you love America more than apple pie. But diversity isn't just a buzzword; it's how you avoid getting your financial teeth kicked in when the market throws a tantrum.

Growth Info

Historically, this portfolio's riding high with a CAGR that would make most investors' mouths water. But let's be real: riding the S&P 500's coattails and calling it strategy is like claiming you're a chef because you can microwave a mean pizza. Sure, the past performance is impressive, but it's the financial equivalent of being the prettiest horse at the glue factory. The real test is sustainability and how it holds up when the market decides to play rough.

Projection Info

The Monte Carlo simulation sounds fancy — like something a bond villain would use to predict the stock market instead of world domination. But remember, it's just a fancy way of saying, "We made educated guesses based on past craziness." Your projections have a nice spread, but leaning heavily on past performance is like driving while only looking in the rearview mirror. Sure, you'll see where you've been, but it won't help much with what's ahead.

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    95%
  • Cash
    5%

With 95% in stocks and a timid toe-dip into bonds, this portfolio screams, "What's diversification?" It's like deciding that your diet will consist solely of steak because you've heard vegetables are for losers. While the stock market can offer higher returns, that 5% in almost-cash is like bringing a water pistol to a tank fight. Diversification across asset classes isn't just nice; it's your financial bulletproof vest.

Sectors Info

  • Technology
    25%
  • Health Care
    11%
  • Financials
    10%
  • Consumer Staples
    10%
  • Consumer Discretionary
    10%
  • Energy
    9%
  • Industrials
    8%
  • Telecommunications
    8%
  • Basic Materials
    2%
  • Utilities
    1%
  • Real Estate
    1%

The sector allocation here is like going to a buffet and only filling up on carbs. Yes, technology and healthcare are the mashed potatoes and mac 'n cheese of the stock world, but ignoring sectors like real estate and utilities is like forgetting your veggies. They might not be exciting, but they add necessary balance, especially when tech takes a tumble.

Regions Info

  • North America
    90%
  • Europe Developed
    3%
  • Japan
    1%

With 90% in North America, this portfolio's geographic diversity is like saying you're well-traveled because you once went to Canada. The global market is vast, and limiting yourself to largely U.S. stocks is like saying, "I've seen enough" after only exploring your backyard. The token nod to developed Europe and Japan isn't enough to call this a world tour.

Market capitalization Info

  • Large-cap
    40%
  • Mega-cap
    29%
  • Mid-cap
    22%
  • Small-cap
    3%
  • Micro-cap
    1%

Focusing heavily on big and mega caps is like only having friends who are over six feet tall — it's oddly specific and unnecessarily limiting. Sure, they're the popular kids of the stock market, but medium, small, and micro-caps bring growth potential and diversity that Goliaths can't nimble their way into. Don't be a cap snob; variety is the spice of life.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

On the Efficient Frontier, this portfolio is like bringing a knife to a gunfight. It's not the worst plan, but there's a lot of room for improvement. The goal is to maximize returns for a given level of risk, but this setup seems more like "maximize familiarity and hope for the best." A little optimization could go a long way in balancing risk vs. return, rather than just hoping the U.S. market continues to carry the team.

Dividends Info

  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 3.90%
  • Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF 0.40%
  • iShares® 0-3 Month Treasury Bond ETF 4.60%
  • Vanguard FTSE Developed Markets Index Fund ETF Shares 2.80%
  • Vanguard S&P 500 ETF 1.30%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 2.40%

Leaning heavily on dividends is like dating someone just because they have a nice car. Sure, it's great for a while, but what happens when the car breaks down? Dividends are lovely, but they're just one piece of the total return puzzle. Focusing too much on them can lead you to overlook growth opportunities or potential red flags in a company's health.

Ongoing product costs Info

  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 0.06%
  • Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF 0.04%
  • iShares® 0-3 Month Treasury Bond ETF 0.07%
  • Vanguard FTSE Developed Markets Index Fund ETF Shares 0.05%
  • Vanguard S&P 500 ETF 0.03%
  • Weighted costs total (per year) 0.05%

Congratulations on keeping your costs lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. It's one of the few things in this portfolio that's leaner than a butcher's pencil. Low fees are crucial over the long haul, so at least when it comes to expenses, you're not lighting your money on fire. Now, if only we could say the same about your diversification strategy...

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