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A portfolio that’s playing it safe but still dreams of Silicon Valley

Report created on Jul 24, 2025

Risk profile Info

4/7
Balanced
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

4/5
Broadly Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

Diving into this portfolio is like finding out your balanced meal consists mostly of bread with a side of veggies for color. With nearly 70% in just two Vanguard ETFs, it’s like betting your life savings on black and red at the roulette table and calling it a day. Sure, you’ve got some NASDAQ spice with Invesco and a sprinkle of dividends through Schwab, but let’s not kid ourselves – this is a conservative prom dress with a rebellious tattoo peeking out.

Growth Info

This portfolio’s historic performance is like that one friend who claims they can beat the market but only shows you their winnings. A CAGR of 16.53% is impressive, but when you peel back the layers, you realize it's riding the coattails of a bull market. With a max drawdown of -29.41%, it's clear this portfolio doesn't just walk on sunshine; it occasionally gets caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella.

Projection Info

Monte Carlo simulations are like weather forecasts for your investments, and this portfolio’s got a forecast that’s partly sunny with a chance of hurricanes. Sure, the 50th percentile showing a 1,587.1% increase sounds like retirement on a yacht, but remember, Monte Carlo also says there’s a world where you’re left with just a 33.7% gain, clinging to a life raft. Betting on 965 out of 1,000 simulations to be positive is like trusting your drunk friend to drive you home because they swear they’re good.

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    99%
  • Cash
    1%

Congratulations on achieving a 99% stock allocation; you’re just a hair shy of putting all your eggs in one basket. This portfolio has the diversity of a 1950s executive board. Sure, stocks are the sexy high-growth option, but ignoring bonds or real estate entirely is like skipping leg day at the gym – eventually, you’re going to notice something’s off.

Sectors Info

  • Technology
    26%
  • Financials
    19%
  • Consumer Staples
    11%
  • Consumer Discretionary
    9%
  • Industrials
    9%
  • Health Care
    8%
  • Telecommunications
    7%
  • Energy
    4%
  • Basic Materials
    3%
  • Utilities
    2%
  • Real Estate
    2%

Your sector allocation reads like a Silicon Valley wishlist with a side of conservative grandpa. Technology and Financial Services are your bread and butter, making up 45% of your portfolio. It's like you’re trying to marry the thrill of tech startups with the stability of a savings account. But let’s be real, with Consumer Defensive and Cyclicals in the mix, it’s more like bringing a book to a frat party – safe, but not exactly thrilling.

Regions Info

  • North America
    79%
  • Europe Developed
    9%
  • Asia Emerging
    4%
  • Japan
    3%
  • Asia Developed
    2%
  • Australasia
    1%
  • Africa/Middle East
    1%
  • Latin America
    1%

With 79% in North America, this portfolio screams “American Dream” louder than a Fourth of July barbecue. Diversification seems to be a foreign concept, quite literally. Europe and Asia get a polite nod, but let’s not pretend this portfolio wouldn’t wear an American flag onesie to an international finance conference.

Market capitalization Info

  • Mega-cap
    45%
  • Large-cap
    32%
  • Mid-cap
    17%
  • Small-cap
    4%
  • Micro-cap
    1%

Your market cap allocation is like a middle-aged person trying to hang with college kids – mostly mega and big caps with a tiny attempt at appearing hip with some small and micro caps. It’s a safety net disguised as a portfolio, ensuring you won’t lose it all but probably won’t make it on the Forbes list anytime soon.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

This portfolio’s idea of risk vs. return optimization is like balancing a seesaw with elephants on both ends. Sure, you might not crash to the ground, but you’re also not going anywhere exciting. It’s time to rethink your strategy unless your dream is to watch paint dry – efficiently.

Dividends Info

  • The Coca-Cola Company 2.90%
  • Invesco NASDAQ 100 ETF 0.50%
  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 3.70%
  • Visa Inc. Class A 0.60%
  • Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund ETF Shares 1.20%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 2.70%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 1.70%

Leaning on dividends from Coca-Cola and Schwab like a retiree leans on a pension. It’s cute that you’re trying to generate income, but with an overall yield of 1.70%, it’s more like finding change in the couch cushions than a reliable income stream. At least it’s something to buy your grandkids ice cream.

Ongoing product costs Info

  • Invesco NASDAQ 100 ETF 0.15%
  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 0.06%
  • Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund ETF Shares 0.03%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 0.05%
  • Weighted costs total (per year) 0.04%

The one area where you’re not bleeding money is costs, with a total TER of 0.04%. It’s like finding a designer suit at a thrift store – a rare win in a world of financial gouging. Kudos for not letting fees eat away at your returns, proving even a blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally.

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