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A portfolio that thinks diversification is a buffet but only fills up on carbs

Report created on Jul 9, 2025

Risk profile Info

5/7
Growth
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

4/5
Broadly Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

This portfolio is like a diet that's 80% bread and 20% vegetables, claiming to be balanced because it has both food groups. With a whopping 40% in a U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF, it's like betting half your retirement on red because it's your favorite color. Mixing in small-mid caps and dividends sounds diversified until you realize it's more like sprinkling a few leafy greens on a mountain of pasta.

Growth Info

Historically, this portfolio's CAGR of 15.25% might look like a bodybuilder's bench press record—impressive until you realize steroids were involved. A max drawdown of -34.19% is like saying, "I once lost a third of my body weight in a month" and not understanding why people are horrified. Those 19 days carrying 90% of your returns? That's like winning the lottery and then playing every day, expecting the same result.

Projection Info

Relying on Monte Carlo simulations for forward projections is akin to using a Magic 8-Ball for retirement planning. Sure, the "429.1% median increase" sounds like you'll be lighting cigars with $100 bills, but remember, simulations are as reliable as a weather forecast in a hurricane—useful, but pack an umbrella. Those simulations showing gains? They don't account for the real world throwing a pandemic-sized wrench in your gears.

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    99%
  • Cash
    1%

With 99% in stocks, this portfolio is like wearing a swimsuit in a snowstorm because "it's technically clothing." The 1% in cash is like keeping a single Band-Aid in a first aid kit—optimistic, but painfully inadequate for real emergencies. This "all-in" approach to equities is thrilling until the market decides to teach you what volatility really means.

Sectors Info

  • Technology
    27%
  • Financials
    13%
  • Consumer Discretionary
    12%
  • Industrials
    11%
  • Health Care
    10%
  • Telecommunications
    8%
  • Consumer Staples
    7%
  • Energy
    6%
  • Basic Materials
    3%
  • Real Estate
    2%
  • Utilities
    1%

A 27% allocation in technology makes it look like you're trying to ride the next tech wave but forgot tech bubbles burst. Financial services and consumer cyclicals follow, suggesting a love affair with sectors that are first to get cold feet when the economy sneezes. Your diversification across sectors is like saying you're fluent in languages because you can order beer in six different countries.

Regions Info

  • North America
    81%
  • Europe Developed
    8%
  • Asia Emerging
    3%
  • Japan
    3%
  • Asia Developed
    2%
  • Australasia
    1%
  • Africa/Middle East
    1%

With 81% in North America, it's clear you think the world revolves around the U.S. The token gestures towards other regions are like those fridge magnets from countries you've never visited but want to show off. This geographic allocation has "home bias" written all over it, practically ignoring the growth potential and diversification benefits of emerging markets and other developed regions.

Market capitalization Info

  • Mega-cap
    34%
  • Large-cap
    27%
  • Mid-cap
    19%
  • Small-cap
    14%
  • Micro-cap
    4%

Your market cap allocation is like deciding you only like movies that gross over $100 million or indie films no one's heard of. With 34% in mega-caps, you're betting big on the corporate equivalent of blockbuster films, while the small and micro caps are your indie darlings. It's an interesting strategy until you realize not all blockbusters are hits, and not all indies become cult classics.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

Your portfolio's risk-return profile suggests you've mistaken the Efficient Frontier for a hiking trail. This concept is about finding the best risk-reward balance, not just taking on more risk with the hope of higher returns. It's like packing for an Antarctic expedition but only bringing beachwear because you heard it's sunny in December.

Dividends Info

  • Fidelity Small-Mid Factor 1.30%
  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 3.80%
  • Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF 0.40%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 2.80%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 1.74%

Relying on dividends from this portfolio is like expecting a lemonade stand to pay your mortgage. Sure, a 1.74% total yield is better than a kick in the teeth, but it's hardly the foundation of a retirement plan. It's like being proud of your savings account's interest rate in an era of record-low returns—it might feel good until you do the math.

Ongoing product costs Info

  • Fidelity Small-Mid Factor 0.15%
  • Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF 0.06%
  • Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF 0.04%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 0.05%
  • Weighted costs total (per year) 0.07%

One thing you've got going for you is the low total expense ratio (TER) of 0.07%. It's like finding a cheap, yet surprisingly good wine—it's delightful, but don't pretend it's the reason your dinner party was a success. Low costs are commendable, but when your investment strategy is as coherent as a toddler's bedtime story, saving on fees is like bragging about the gas mileage on a car that doesn't run.

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