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A haphazardly curated museum of blue-chips and oddities with a sprinkle of wishful thinking

Report created on Aug 18, 2025

Risk profile Info

5/7
Growth
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

3/5
Moderately Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

At first glance, this portfolio screams "I Googled 'best stocks to buy' and clicked on the first five articles." With a staggering 17% parked in Iron Mountain Incorporated, it's like betting on a horse because you like its name rather than its track record. The smattering across various sectors with heavy weights in consumer cyclicals and real estate suggests a thematic approach inspired more by a shopping spree than a strategic investment plan. It's as diversified as a diet consisting solely of fast food — technically varied, but fundamentally flawed.

Growth Info

With a CAGR of 27.18%, this portfolio has been riding the high waves on what appears to be a speedboat with a leak. The historic performance might look like a dream, but the max drawdown of -23.03% is the nightmare waiting in the shadows. It's like winning at poker on a lucky hand but not knowing when to fold. Sure, those 39 days carrying 90% of returns sound thrilling, but they're as reliable as a weather forecast in April. Betting the farm on past glories is like driving by looking in the rearview mirror — you're bound to hit something eventually.

Projection Info

The Monte Carlo simulation, with its fancy 1,000 scenarios, might make this portfolio look like the next best thing since sliced bread, with a median projection soaring to 1,848.2%. But let's be real, forecasting the future of stocks with simulations is like trying to predict your next ten meals based on what you ate last week. It's a helpful guide, sure, but take it with a grain of salt, or you might end up with indigestion.

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    100%

Putting 100% of your assets in stocks is like going to Vegas and putting all your money on black because "it's due." Stock markets are volatile; they're as likely to give as they are to take. Without bonds, real estate, or other asset classes to spread the risk, you're essentially on a financial roller coaster without a safety harness. Diversification doesn't mean picking different colors of the same stock market crayon; it means having a whole box of financial instruments.

Sectors Info

  • Consumer Discretionary
    26%
  • Real Estate
    17%
  • Consumer Staples
    14%
  • Financials
    10%
  • Technology
    9%
  • Telecommunications
    8%
  • Health Care
    7%
  • Industrials
    5%
  • Basic Materials
    5%

The sector allocation feels like someone threw darts at a board to pick investments. Sure, there's a nod to diversification with consumer cyclicals, real estate, and tech. But with such heavy bets in specific sectors, it's like packing for a vacation to all climates but only bringing shorts and flip-flops. A slight shift in market winds could turn this portfolio from a day at the beach to a walk in a storm.

Regions Info

  • North America
    95%
  • Europe Developed
    5%
  • Japan
    1%

With 95% of the portfolio clinging to North America like a security blanket, it's missing out on the global party. The tiny nod to Europe and Japan is like saying you're worldly because you once ate at an international food court. In today's interconnected market, ignoring emerging markets and other developed economies is like refusing to use GPS and relying on a map from the '90s.

Market capitalization Info

  • Large-cap
    52%
  • Mega-cap
    42%
  • Mid-cap
    7%

The mix of market capitalizations is like having a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, and chocolate cake — if the chocolate cake made up nearly half your calories. With a hefty 42% in megacaps, this portfolio is playing it safer than a kid with floaties in the shallow end. Meanwhile, the medium caps are just a garnish on this financial feast, barely getting a seat at the table.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

The portfolio's attempt at risk vs. return optimization is akin to wearing a belt and suspenders but forgetting your pants. The concept of the Efficient Frontier suggests there's a sweet spot where you get the maximum return for a given risk level. However, this portfolio swings wildly, aiming for the fences with every pitch. It's like trying to thread a needle with a sledgehammer — possible, but not advisable.

Dividends Info

  • Apple Inc 0.40%
  • American Express Company 1.00%
  • Carrier Global Corp 1.30%
  • Costco Wholesale Corp 0.50%
  • CVS Health Corp 3.90%
  • Ford Motor Company 5.20%
  • Alphabet Inc Class A 0.40%
  • Home Depot Inc 2.30%
  • Honda Motor Co Ltd ADR 4.10%
  • H&R Block Inc 3.00%
  • Iron Mountain Incorporated 3.30%
  • Johnson & Johnson 2.80%
  • Lowe's Companies Inc 1.80%
  • Microsoft Corporation 0.50%
  • Rio Tinto ADR 3.70%
  • AT&T Inc 3.80%
  • Target Corporation 4.30%
  • Visa Inc. Class A 0.50%
  • Waste Management Inc 1.40%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 2.24%

The dividend yield gives a glimmer of hope, like finding a $20 bill in a coat you haven’t worn in years. With a total yield of 2.24%, it's not going to make anyone rich overnight, but it's a nice touch, like sprinkles on an ice cream. It's a reminder that sometimes, steady income is more satisfying than the roller coaster of capital gains.

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