Roast mode 🔥

A vanilla portfolio so safe it might just bore the market to growth

Report created on Aug 18, 2025

Risk profile Info

4/7
Balanced
Less risk More risk

Diversification profile Info

5/5
Highly Diversified
Less diversification More diversification

Positions

At first glance, your portfolio screams "I read a personal finance book once and this is what it told me to do." With a classic 70/20/10 split between stocks, bonds, and real estate, it's as if you asked for a "balanced diet" and got chicken, rice, and broccoli for every meal. Yes, it's healthy, but where's the flavor? Your diversification is like wearing both a belt and suspenders - overly cautious and a bit out of style.

Growth Info

Looking at the historic performance, a CAGR of 9.95% isn't shabby; it's like being the valedictorian... of summer school. Sure, you're outperforming inflation, but when you factor in the -29.62% max drawdown, it's clear your portfolio isn't the bulletproof vest you thought it was. It's more like an umbrella that works unless it's really raining.

Projection Info

Monte Carlo simulations are like playing your financial future on a roulette wheel, except with more math and less fun. Your projections, with a median 177.1% growth, suggest you're on track for a comfortable retirement—assuming you're planning to live like a monk. The wide range between the 5th and 67th percentiles indicates you're more prepared for a financial drizzle than a storm.

Asset classes Info

  • Stocks
    69%
  • Bonds
    20%
  • Real Estate
    10%
  • Cash
    1%

With 69% in stocks, 20% in bonds, and a sprinkle of real estate and cash, your asset class allocation is like ordering a vanilla ice cream cone in a world full of flavors. Yes, it's a classic choice, but it's also a missed opportunity to taste something new. You're playing it safe, but at the expense of potentially higher returns. Diversification doesn't mean just splitting your money across three bins and calling it a day.

Sectors Info

  • Technology
    17%
  • Financials
    12%
  • Real Estate
    12%
  • Industrials
    8%
  • Consumer Discretionary
    7%
  • Health Care
    6%
  • Telecommunications
    6%
  • Consumer Staples
    4%
  • Basic Materials
    3%
  • Energy
    3%
  • Utilities
    2%

Your sector allocation is like a buffet where you loaded up on carbs and forgot the protein. With heavy bets on technology and financial services, you're riding the Silicon Valley roller coaster while dressed in a Wall Street suit. It's a strategy that screams "I trust the system," but remember, even the Titanic was considered unsinkable. Broaden your palate before the next market downturn forces you to.

Regions Info

  • North America
    52%
  • Europe Developed
    12%
  • Asia Emerging
    5%
  • Japan
    5%
  • Asia Developed
    3%
  • Australasia
    1%
  • Africa/Middle East
    1%
  • Latin America
    1%

Your geographic allocation has a clear case of home bias, with over half in North America. It's like planning a world tour and only visiting Canada and the US. Sure, they're great, but there's a whole world out there! Emerging markets are barely a blip on your radar, which is a missed opportunity for growth. It's time to stamp some new visas in your investment passport.

Market capitalization Info

  • Mega-cap
    32%
  • Large-cap
    26%
  • Mid-cap
    17%
  • Small-cap
    3%
  • Micro-cap
    1%

Your market cap spread is like attending a concert and only listening to the headliners. With a heavy lean towards mega and big caps, you're missing out on the indie bands of the investment world: small and micro caps. These can offer the high-energy performances (read: returns) you're missing, albeit with more mosh pits (read: volatility). Consider tuning into a few new acts to diversify your portfolio's sound.

Risk vs. return

This chart shows the Efficient Frontier, calculated using your current assets with different allocation combinations. It highlights the best balance between risk and return based on historical data. "Efficient" portfolios maximize returns for a given risk or minimize risk for a given return. Portfolios below the curve are less efficient. This is informational and not a recommendation to buy or sell any assets.

Click on the colored dots to explore allocations.

When it comes to risk vs. return optimization, your portfolio is like a student who studies hard but only for the easy tests. Yes, you're passing, but are you challenging yourself? You've found a comfortable spot on the Efficient Frontier, but it's closer to the "safe" side than the "smart" side. It's time to question whether your risk tolerance could handle a bit more... well, risk, in pursuit of greater rewards.

Dividends Info

  • Vanguard Total Bond Market Index Fund ETF Shares 3.80%
  • Vanguard Real Estate Index Fund ETF Shares 3.90%
  • Vanguard S&P 500 ETF 1.20%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 2.70%
  • Weighted yield (per year) 2.44%

The dividends are the consolation prize in your safety-first game plan. With yields that are respectable but not exactly head-turning, it's like getting a participation trophy when you were aiming for gold. Sure, it's nice to have, but let's not pretend it's why you showed up. If you're relying on these payouts for income, you might want to up your game—or at least your expectations.

Ongoing product costs Info

  • Vanguard Total Bond Market Index Fund ETF Shares 0.03%
  • Vanguard Real Estate Index Fund ETF Shares 0.12%
  • Vanguard S&P 500 ETF 0.03%
  • Vanguard Total International Stock Index Fund ETF Shares 0.05%
  • Weighted costs total (per year) 0.04%

Your cost management is the one area where you deserve a backhanded compliment. With a total TER of 0.04%, you've managed to keep fees lower than a limbo stick at a contortionist convention. It's commendable, really, showing that while you may be playing it safe with your investment choices, at least you're not throwing money away on fees. Well done on that front, even if it's like being the smartest person in detention.

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